Greetings From The UK
Measuring Up To An Englishman
A light hearted look at the arrogant English
A light hearted look at the arrogant English
The English drive on the wrong side of the road. A deliberate measure ensuring that any invading tourist can be easily identified by the confusion as they try to negotiate our crowded highways.
We invented the "Roundabout" and have one at least every 400 yards or so. These have nothing to do with the roads that surround them. They were designed to enable us to continue our passion for gardening as they make beautiful flowerbeds. So if you get caught in a traffic jam there is some thing nice to see and smell. Keeps the road rage to a minimum, and enables us to keep guns off the street.
In the early 1960's we spent millions changing all our road signs overnight as it was supposed to bring us in line with the rest of Europe. The following morning total confusion reigned as no one understood any of it and we were all concerned that the invading tourist now had the advantage as these signs were supposed to be like his own countries.
Many years later when a few Englishmen found that by necessity they had to drive in Europe, they still failed to recognise any road sign for our so called European signs were nothing like theirs?.
Perhaps the politicians of the day simply had shares in the road sign industry, or was it a far sighted ploy to ensure for the next 10 years more people failed their driving tests, thereby keeping the roads free for some time. If so it's time that we did it again.
We measure speed in miles per hour, so why does the speedometer have a scale in Kilometres per hour ?.
We buy our petrol in gallons, a different quantity to an American gallon, yet it is priced in Litres.
We prefer to buy our oil in pints not half litres or 500 cc as that is the size of a motor bike engine. A very strange measure given the fact that there are 4.546 litres to a gallon. Is this a ploy to ensure that we all buy that dreaded European device called a pocket calculator ?. We calculate the efficiency of our cars in miles per gallon as miles per litre needs too many decimal points to be meaningful.
Road maps show distances in miles and everyone who has ever run out of petrol suddenly realises that a Scottish mile is a considerably longer distance. A Welsh mile cannot be calculated as the European road signs in Wales are written in Welsh, confusing the Germans and English alike.
Aircraft and ship speeds are measured in knots. Not a linear distance travelled speed as it depends upon which direction and the strength the wind is blowing or the sea current is flowing. No wonder aircraft are always delayed.
Faster speeds are measured in Mach numbers related to the speed of sound which itself is depended on air density which means altitude and the weather.
To navigate requires that the time is known. Strange that we gave the world it's time (Greenwich Mean Time) and have subsequently failed to conform to this time. Are we on Zulu or Alpha time at the moment.
Assisting farmers in daylight saving time does not provide a single minute of extra daylight but plays havoc with navigation and ship borne communications.
One of the great mysteries of the world is why a television and VCR which is permanently receiving a time signal, cannot adjust it's clock automatically without the aid of a science degree in electronics.
Why all this confusion you may well ask, well consider perhaps God is a Woman
Not a lot of people knows that.... as Michael Caine would say
No wonder that we lost an empire
We invented the "Roundabout" and have one at least every 400 yards or so. These have nothing to do with the roads that surround them. They were designed to enable us to continue our passion for gardening as they make beautiful flowerbeds. So if you get caught in a traffic jam there is some thing nice to see and smell. Keeps the road rage to a minimum, and enables us to keep guns off the street.
In the early 1960's we spent millions changing all our road signs overnight as it was supposed to bring us in line with the rest of Europe. The following morning total confusion reigned as no one understood any of it and we were all concerned that the invading tourist now had the advantage as these signs were supposed to be like his own countries.
Many years later when a few Englishmen found that by necessity they had to drive in Europe, they still failed to recognise any road sign for our so called European signs were nothing like theirs?.
Perhaps the politicians of the day simply had shares in the road sign industry, or was it a far sighted ploy to ensure for the next 10 years more people failed their driving tests, thereby keeping the roads free for some time. If so it's time that we did it again.
We measure speed in miles per hour, so why does the speedometer have a scale in Kilometres per hour ?.
We buy our petrol in gallons, a different quantity to an American gallon, yet it is priced in Litres.
We prefer to buy our oil in pints not half litres or 500 cc as that is the size of a motor bike engine. A very strange measure given the fact that there are 4.546 litres to a gallon. Is this a ploy to ensure that we all buy that dreaded European device called a pocket calculator ?. We calculate the efficiency of our cars in miles per gallon as miles per litre needs too many decimal points to be meaningful.
Road maps show distances in miles and everyone who has ever run out of petrol suddenly realises that a Scottish mile is a considerably longer distance. A Welsh mile cannot be calculated as the European road signs in Wales are written in Welsh, confusing the Germans and English alike.
Aircraft and ship speeds are measured in knots. Not a linear distance travelled speed as it depends upon which direction and the strength the wind is blowing or the sea current is flowing. No wonder aircraft are always delayed.
Faster speeds are measured in Mach numbers related to the speed of sound which itself is depended on air density which means altitude and the weather.
To navigate requires that the time is known. Strange that we gave the world it's time (Greenwich Mean Time) and have subsequently failed to conform to this time. Are we on Zulu or Alpha time at the moment.
Assisting farmers in daylight saving time does not provide a single minute of extra daylight but plays havoc with navigation and ship borne communications.
One of the great mysteries of the world is why a television and VCR which is permanently receiving a time signal, cannot adjust it's clock automatically without the aid of a science degree in electronics.
Why all this confusion you may well ask, well consider perhaps God is a Woman
Not a lot of people knows that.... as Michael Caine would say
No wonder that we lost an empire
Simply Steve
